About TFIOS;

If you didn't know, The Faults In Our Stars is a very successful novel written by John Green and recently it has be adapted to a big blockbuster movie. Meaning that this book, which is insanely complex, will put in the mainstream eye for other people to interpret. Which means not a lot of people will understand the meaning behind it or they will see it completely wrong, and it will frustrate the others who do. 

Although I understand why many disabled/chronically ill people hate what came out of this movie; the whole able-bodied people romanticizing being disabled/chronically ill, etc. And It was definitely one of my worries about having TFIOS mainstream. 


But, I do want you all to understand, It’s okay to like TFIOS. 

And besides what other people think, TFIOS IS NOT ROMANTICIZING BEING DISABLED/CHRONICALLY ILL. It’s the exact opposite actually, TFIOS is an amazing novel about two cancer patients dealing with life and death and not being able to do what other kids could easily do.


THAT’S WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT.


John Green wrote it because he was inspired by a nerdfighter who had cancer and was dealing with the same problems Hazel and Gus were dealing with.

YOU CAN HATE ON THE WAY PEOPLE TOOK THE MOVIE, BUT DO NOT SAY THAT TFIOS ROMANTICIZED IT BECAUSE IT IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE.

And yes, I might be a tad defensive about it because this book changed my life and it helped me when I was going through difficult times with my fibromyalgia. But I just wanted to make it clear. 

You can hate the movie or the book, but don’t say things that aren’t true.
xoxo,

- Merzy

Stressed out?

Wow, it's been way too long since I've written on here.

Sorry.

This year has been pretty crazy; finished junior year with pretty fucking good grades, did my SATs without having a panic attack (yay!), chose my top colleges, changed psychiatrist and other stuff.

But right now, I'm going to talk to you about one thing; stress.

We all have it, we all know how it feels like and for some of us, that stress can easily be turned into anxiety. And that anxiety can have physical symptoms like hyperventilating, high blood pressure, sweating, crying and chronic pain.

It can be really traumatic.

So, how do you handle this?

• First of all,  don't let it get so bad. The most important thing of all is to not, under any circumstances, let that stress turn into anxiety. Try anything to achieve this: take a break, read a book, have a bath, watch a movie, meditate, do a bit of exercise or yoga, anything to tai your mind off it.
• Organize yourself. This is possibly the hardest thing for me to do because I'm naturally a pretty messy person and keeping track of things I have to do doesn't come so easily. Try to make a to-do list, it could be weekly or monthly or daily, 
• Ask for help. Also another thing I have trouble with, asking for help from someone could be really hard, especially if you have an ego or are stubborn (like me). Your friends and family are there to help, don't hesitate to ask a person you can really trust to help you if you really need it.
• Don't give yourself a hard time. You will achieve your goal, it may time some time, maybe more than others, but you will do it. It's important to remember that you're just human and that's okay. Don't knock yourself out, you're doing your best and that's enough.

I hope these tips helped a little bit, if not I wrote another post on the subject of anxiety and chronic pain and how to deal with it.

I made a mix of songs that might help you guys - check it out here.

If you have any questions or simply want to talk to someone, I am always available on my tumblr or email. 

xoxo,

- Merzy

New Year, new me?

  For as long as I can remember I've always had a New Year's Resolution. Always.

  Except not this year..

Because every time I make one, I never complete them. They're always "Do better in school", "Be in Honors." or other things like that. And they never come true for me.

So, I decided not to them this year because I would rather not be disappointed.

Although.. This New Year does make a difference in my life.

2013 was a really shitty year. Not only was I diagnosed with a chronic illness but I also had several anxiety attacks and a few very embarrassing moments. I mean, sure there were some good moments but overall not a great year.

2014 though... it's the year I start senior year... the year I have to start making choices that will build the rest of my life.

I've never had a problem deciding what I wanted to do, I knew very early on that I was a writer.. but, I am also very insecure. I am not good enough. And I know that. But I always try to be optimist about things, I always believe that everything will work out eventually and that everything happens for a reason.

2013 was a character development year, a filler, for the big stuff. And I'm scared (who wouldn't be?) of what is in store for me in the future but... I'm also excited.

Hopefully, 2014 will treat me well.

xoxo,

- Merzy

I Suck - Life Update

I do, I really really do.

I told myself that I was going to update this blog at least once a week, and now look.

But anyway, a lot of stuff has happened since the last millenia I wrote something here. Like.. We had to give the guinea pigs away, we got two kittens, one of them died and then we got a puppy.

The puppy is mine and his name is Isaac. You can see quite a few pictures of him on twitter because I am obsessed and I've posted a lot of them there.

Also, my grades have hugely improved. I could get into Honors next year yay!

And one of my best friends and I are planning on seeing universities this summer so if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, feel free. We need them.

Anyway, life has been insanely good. I cannot even remotely complain.

When I read back on how my life was when I started this blog and writing this now... wow, it doesn't feel that long ago.... and it's not really... but so many changes have been happening to me.

I feel like I'm more confident and sure about myself than how I was and the fibro isn't even practically a part of my life anymore.

Things have been pretty good.

Hopefully they'll stay that way for the forseeable future.

- Merzy

Life Update - New Pets:

I know, I know. It's been.. a long ass time. And I apologize.

I don't really have a good excuse either, like my life has just been either too boring to write anything or too busy to do the writing.

Okay, so the point of this post is (other than the fact that it's been weeks since the last one) is that a few days ago a new member of my family was added:

Rory

and

Matthew

The reason why Matt's photo is that great is because he's terrified of me right now and won't let me come closer and he'll hide in his hole. 

(Because we bought Matt yesterday and Rory on Thursday) 

I've never had pets before, except for a dog when I was younger but it was very brief, and these little fellows are mine. Completely mine and my brother's. Their cage is in my room and they wake me up in the middle of the night and I worry about them when I'm at school - basically I feel like a mom already.

These past few days. the majority of my life consists of feeding them, checking up on them, trying to pet them and just watching them because omg adorable. lol

Anyway, I love them to death and if any of you have any tips on taking care of Guinea Pigs and stuff, please leave them in the comments below because I really am a newbie. 

Thanks for reading and tell me what I should write about next time because I'm in a loss. 

xoxo, 

- Merzy

Top Youtubers That Have Changed My Life:

As some of you know, I have a very obsessive personality. When I start liking something I don't just like it, I become obsess with it. Ask anyone that knows me and they'll tell you how annoying it actually is. But whatever. The point is, for so long books, movies and tv shows are what helps me escape my everyday life and constant stress (and I'll talk about them another day), but now it's Youtubers. These people not only make me laugh, but they've also changed my life is different ways:

• Marzia Bisognin (Cutiepiemarzia): 

Marzia made me realize that you don't have to dress like everyone else. She made me come to terms with my own style and what I want to portray about myself through my clothes. She was also the first youtuber/fashion guru I subscribed to and she introduced me to the world in a way.

•  Kalel Cullen (WonderlandWardrobe): 

Kalel was the second beauty guru I subscribe to. She made me realize that it's okay to have different styles and mix it up sometimes. She also taught me that a girl can like anime, pokemon and superheroes and still be 'girly'. I love her and it makes me super upset how much hate she gets for her past. It frustrates me because she's such an amazing person and I'll always admire her.

• Felix Kjellberg (Pewdiepie): 

"Ha-ha-how's it going bros?" Pewdiepie is definitely the source of my laughter. I find him hilarious and I will forever be proud of being part of the ever-growing bro army. If you didn't know this amazing person is the most subscribe channel on Youtube and it could not go to a better guy! Felix taught me that it's okay to just be yourself and not take things too seriously.

• Dan & Phil (danisnotonfire & amazingphil): 

The reason I'm putting these two together is because they go together; you cannot have Dan without Phil or Phil without Dan. You just can't. Anyway, these two taught me that you are never alone, even if you feel you are, you never actually are. That you are not a failure just because you don't go to college or you're not super smart. They always make me smile when I'm having a bad day. 

• Hank & John Green (vlogbrothers): 

Hank and John Green not only help me pass my grades but they also teach me countless of life lessons. From John's deep philosophical "meaning of life" speeches to Hank's analytically "The universe is bigger than you" videos,  The Vlogbrothers help me get over SO many huge moments in my life and I am forever grateful to them for that. They've taught me so many things, I cannot even begin to explain. 

And Finally... 

• Carrie Hope Fletcher (Itswaypastmybedtime): 

 Carrie Hope Fletcher is definitely the one youtuber that has left the most impact in my life. Because of her, I started this blog. She taught me that you can be nice without expecting anything in return, that people like that still exist. When I'm feeling down about myself, I go to her videos to remind myself that there are people like Carrie in this world. Most, if not all, of the hope I have now is because of her. I'm forever grateful for that.  

xoxo,

- Merzy

My jumbled up thoughts:

There are moments, like any other, where you feel alone and scared. When you feel numb and like your floating in mid air and no one bothers to catch you. 

Sometimes there is no reason why. It just comes and goes like the rain here. One second it could be sunny and the next it's raining a hurricane. It doesn't make any sense.

I don't know how to feel half the time. Sometimes I'm happy and okay and other times I'm not. And I try to figure out why but I just... don't know. 

There are moments where I'm supposed to be sad or worried but I'm not... I don't feel anything. Or I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.

Life is so much pressure. 

Everyone expects so much out of you. 

No wonder everyone doesn't know who they are; they're being buried alive by the sea of people telling them what they should and shouldn't be. 

Don't you ever feel invisible? Like in the middle of a crowd but no one can see you? 

That's how I feel sometimes.

Other times though, I'm happy with my friends. I'm positive and I believe there's good in the world. And I wish I could be that way all the time; the person with so much hope and wonder of the world. 

But sometimes... I'm not.

I'm sad for no apparent reason and it frustrates me. I want to be able to control how I feel...

But then... I wouldn't be human, would I?

Feelings, emotions, confusion, frustration, hope, awe, love; all of the things that makes us human. 

I honestly don't even know where this is going anymore. I'm sorry. 

"My thoughs are like stars I can't fathom into constellations."

- Merzy