Update: Perfect Uni!

In these last following weeks, I've spending my time either at school, studying, sleeping or researching for universities. And in that long search of way too expensive or way too demanding schools, I found the perfect one for me: Bridgeport University.

It is literally perfect for me.

It's in the Conneticut, It's medium-sized and I can do a major in Literature And Civilazition which includes History, Creative Writing, English Lit and Philosophy with a minor (or double major) in psychology. 

I have yet to find another university that offers this. 

And I can say without a doubt I will be going to this school in 2015. (Obviously I have other options like NYU but this university is mine, I can feel it)

Anyway, aside from that I'm planning to take the College Board in October (maybe, still not sure) and honestly I've had no time at all to be online, except for now at almost 2 am. 

My fibro has been taking its toll on me sometimes by the end of the day my fingers and knees start hurting, but it's nothing I can't really handle. 

And this year, my class will be in charge of the school's talent show and I will probably be in charge of the script and stuff which I'm excited about it...

And... I don't really think there's anything else...

Oh, aside from Anime and my obsession with youtubers ;)

xoxo,

- Merzy

Update:

I'm not sure why but this year I feel much more confident and focused.

Maybe it's because it's the first week and my motivation will wear off. But, I don't know.

I don't feel like it's that way. 

I'm participating more in class and in extra-curricular activities... I'm motivated to do well for College.

Mainly because it feels so close and I'm feeling the pressure and I know I will regret not participating more outside of class when it comes to applying for college. 

A lot of people tell me I'm too optimist or idealist for thinking (or rather hoping) everything will go according to my plan... But I can't help it. I've always been this way! 

It comes naturally and I'm thankful for that. 

Anyway, this was a boring update. Sorry about that. Nothing much have been happening at all except school and my constant drowsiness. 

I'm going to make an actual post about something soon, I promise! I'm just lacking creativity about to write about! 

Feel free to message me or comment about what should I write about next! Maybe you need advice or something! 

xoxo,

- Merzy

Update: New School Year

Two days ago, I started my junior year of high school. And I don't think it's really sunken in yet. That I have two years left or that I will have take The College Board test in months. But I try not think about it to be honest. 

Anyway, this year they decided to mix the students. 

To understand what a huge change this is, I have to explain how they used to do things in my school: One grade, two classes: M and N. The kids in M are different from the kids in N and they usually don't interact even though they're in the same class (especially if you're as antisocial as me and my friends are). Now, they've decided they would mix people, some who used to be in N are now in M and whatever. 

I've been with the same class for ten years. Ten years, people. Ten years. 

And now, they expect me to interact with some of these people who I hate and don't trust at all. 

They separated me from two of my best friends.  

It sucks. 

But I've been slowly getting used to it.

I'm planning to make a club or a newspaper or something, so I can have at least some extra curricular activity that I can put in my college application. 

As for right now though, the stress hasn't been getting to me and I haven't had any pain or anxiety attacks. Thank god. 

Aside from that, nothing much has been going on. 

Yeah... I'm sorry this is really boring, I don't really have any articles planned out... which I probably should... 

xoxo,

- Merzy

Anxiety: What it feels like and what it looks like.

These past few weeks or so, I've asked people on tumblr if they suffer from anxiety attacks to describe them to me or if you've seen someone suffer from them to describe what they look like. The reason for this experiment was to see how anxiety affects people and how they react to it. 

What really sparked the idea in my brain was the anxiety attack I had a few weeks ago. My mom had a bad coughing fit and threw up in front of me, apparently it was the first time I've seen vomit so vividly or whatever and I had an attack after the danger was over. It came as a complete surprise to me because even though I've had anxiety attacks before, it wasn't for something as mundane as vomit! It was more of a panic than anything; I didn't know why my body was shaking, why I wasn't moving and why I started crying. It was scary. 

Which made me think;  how do others react? Is it the same? Is it worse?

But more than that, it made me think about the people who see it happening. What do they think? How do they react? And how does it affect them? 

SO! Without further or do, here's what people said:

Obviously, these were just a few of the answers because some I felt were too personal for me to publish and it just didn't feel right. 

I also asked one of my best friends who saw me have an anxiety attack at school to see what she felt or how she saw it and all. She said that I was crying histerically and she felt helpess and didn't know what to do. 

Which I completely understand, because I would react the same if reverse. 

The reason for this is to remind people that if they suffer from anxiety, that they are not alone. At all. You have so many people who have these attacks and it breaks my heart. I was reading these and I remember almost crying because of how heartbreaking it is for people to suffer like this. 

And I know what it's like and it's not pretty. It makes you feel like shit and you feel like you can't control your body or your emotions, and it sucks! I'm upset that some people just brush it off as "feeling nervous"or "just being afraid". No. It's SO much more than that! And if I can help in any way to raise awarness about it by doing this, then I will! 

If you have any stories about your anixety attacks that you would like to share, feel free to email or message me on tumblr! 

PS. All you have to do is breathe, darlings. That's the thing about anxiety attacks, they always pass. 

xoxo,

- Merzy